Notional Missile Defence

New Scientist: Feedback 20 January 2001

AS GEORGE "Dubya" Bush settles into the White House this weekend he faces some tricky scientific and technological questions. To help him on his way, Feedback is happy to pass on some advice sent to us earlier this month, concerning the National Missile Defense system, also known as "Son of Star Wars". Dubya is well known to be a fan of the NMD. But does he understand quite how difficult it is to build an anti-missile missile that works?

"Let's put the technical problem in terms that Dubya may understand," begins our advice, which comes from a body calling itself the Notional Missile Defence Initiative. "Space is very large, George. In fact, it's huge. Surely you saw pool tables in your misspent youth? Replace the balls with the tiniest, edge-of-visibility specks of whatever white dust you fancy. Scatter a few dozen of them somewhere near the baize. To win, you have to pot all of them. You have five minutes. And you have to use computers."

The advice goes on to announce, perhaps ominously, that the NMDI is "here to help you, George". It calls on "engineers, inventors, poets and scientists--mad or not--to contribute notions on how to construct a Missile Defence". The London-based group claims to have been inspired by a previous call for ideas that "contributed modestly to the success of Star Wars Senior" in the early 1980s. Back then, it was the zoologists' suggestion that made the biggest impression. That hardy band proposed keeping herds of hippos in constant readiness, all fed on a strict diet of baked beans, and each tethered to a stout stake. In the event of missile attack, judicious application of axes to the tethers and Zippos to the hippos should produce a rapidly ascending and almost impenetrable barrier.

But we're sure you can do even better than this. Send your suggestions.

New Scientist: Feedback 10 February 2001

THE Notional Missile Defence Initiative (Feedback, 20 January) writes to apologise to readers who sent e-mails contributing notions on how to construct a missile defence system. "A one-character error in a one-line computer script at an Internet service provider sent all your messages to South Africa--fortunately, and very strangely, to someone known to NMD," the NMD message says. "You'll get an answer as soon as the person there returns from their travels and sends your message back. Or you can now visit www.nmd.org.uk."

The message continues: "Of course, the hundred-million-line computer programs on which the competing National Missile Defence scheme would rely will contain no errors at all. Oh no."